i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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