so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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