apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He felt like a one man threesome
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
