She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
