Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
