i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
