I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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