sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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