Apparently you make a good broom.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
