i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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