If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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