was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
