The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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