he puts the penis in happiness.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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