I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
