Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
