hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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