I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
