how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
