We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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