WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
