When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
