I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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