sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
