i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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