I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Randomize
