So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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