shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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