I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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