Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize