there's paper in my vomit.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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