Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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