you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
