i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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