Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
