I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hippo gnu deer
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
