Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
