I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
