My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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