Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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