I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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