He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
