They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My feet surprised me
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