giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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