How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I believe in your delicious
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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