I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
