dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
