omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
