he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
