Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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