when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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