I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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