my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
