He had one of those small greek statue penises
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
