I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I need water and some morals
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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