He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
