Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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