How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
