shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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