vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
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I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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