Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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