cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
