i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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