Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
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The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
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I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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