I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
