remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
