she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
