somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
