He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
