Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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