I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
