I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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