its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
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He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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