she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My bed smells like the plague
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
