at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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