you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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