nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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